How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Bitch…(Because protecting your peace shouldn’t require an apology tour.)
- lesliep0611
- Aug 5, 2025
- 2 min read
Let’s Get One Thing Straight:
You are not mean.
You are not selfish.
You are not “too much.”
You’re just done setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.
You’ve spent years saying yes when you meant no, shrinking yourself to keep the peace, and carrying more than your share because “that’s just what you do.”
Well, not anymore.
It’s time to let boundaries do what they do best—protect your sanity, your time, and your soul.
But First… Why Does Saying “No” Feel So Damn Wrong?
Because you’ve been conditioned to believe:
Being nice = being agreeable.
Good moms, partners, friends never inconvenience anyone.
You’re responsible for everyone else’s comfort.
Spoiler alert: That’s a damn lie.
Saying yes to everyone else while saying no to yourself?
That’s not kind. That’s self-abandonment.
What a Boundary Actually Is:
Not a wall.
Not a punishment.
Not “being difficult.”
A boundary is just saying:
“This is what I can offer without losing myself.”
5 Boundaries You’re Allowed to Set Without Guilt (Or a Monologue)
“I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”
No explanation needed. Capacity is a real thing, not a vibe.
“Please don’t speak to me like that.”
Yes, you can say this to your partner, your parent, your boss, your group chat.
“I’m not available for that energy.”
Catch-all phrase for drama, toxicity, or people who drain you.
“No.”
The full sentence. Period. End of story. You don’t owe follow-up notes or softening emojis.
“I need space/time/quiet/rest.”
Not selfish. Not lazy. It’s maintenance. Like oil changes, but for your nervous system.
But What If They Get Mad?
They might.
Let them.
You are not responsible for other people’s discomfort when you are choosing yourself in a healthy way.
Anyone who benefits from you having no boundaries will always resist you setting them.
Let that resistance be a red flag—not a reason to shrink.
Reminder: Boundaries Are Not Betrayal
You are not mean for protecting your peace.
You are not cold for needing quiet.
You are not a bad mom, partner, friend, or daughter for saying:
“I love you, but I also love me.”
Read that again.
A Few Scripts to Keep in Your Pocket:
“I appreciate the invite, but I can’t.”
“That doesn’t work for me, but thank you.”
“I’m not comfortable with that.”
“That’s not something I’m available for.”
“I need to step away for my own mental health.”
“Let’s circle back when I’m not in survival mode.”
And the crowd favorite:
“No, but thanks for thinking of me.” (AKA the polite shutdown with ✨no guilt✨)
Final Thoughts From the Hot Mess Sage Herself:
You’re allowed to say no and not feel like a bitch.
You’re allowed to put yourself on your own damn list.
You’re allowed to rest without performing burnout first.
And anyone who makes you feel bad for honoring your needs?
Probably benefited when you didn’t have any.
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